Read me

I am no longer blogging here. Catch my blog on my website
www.phormant.com

Meagan

I have something that I realize is good. Some people go through life looking for the mate they are supposed to spend their lives with. Some die alone. Like my Grandmother. She will die alone. I have spent my life in the dens of promiscuity. Looking for "That Special feeling" with a companion. With a lover. I have been with many woman who either took advantage of me or I them. No one in my life has connected with me like Meagan. No woman has ever been herself and on her own merits. Been amazing. No woman knows me like Meagan knows me. Loves me like Meagan loves me. Through and through and ever in and every out. We know each other. No woman has ever made me laugh like she makes me laugh and no woman has ever been as forgiving, tolerating and patient with me like she is. I have made her cry and I have hurt her but through it all we still are madly, crazy and undeniably in love with each other. I have never felt such passion like I do with her. I have never been able to just stare at a woman and be so taken back by beauty that I have to step outside myself to realize. She is all mine.She is the smartest girl I have ever been with and sincerely the most charming. At times just watching her move, her every stunning move just makes my jaw drop. The feeling is right. This is the girl I am supposed to be with. Though I have loved many girls in my life. I have never in my life loved a girl like I love Meagan. She is my everything and the woman I am destined to spend my life with.

I am guilty

I am guilty of loving material things.
I love my iPhone
and my Nintendo Wii
I love my collection of foreign films
and Design, Typography books.
I love my collection of Surgical Instruments
and comic books.
I love Sushi at least once a week.
I love my Zune and chain smoking
I love old crappy b movies and Twilight Zone episodes
Tin Robots and Painting
I love sketching building because I will never be an architect.
I love my X Box 360,Nintendo, Nintendo 64 and Mike Tysons Punch Out.
I love my girlfriend extensive knowledge in Calculus,biology and everything
having to do with the medical field.
I love cooking and cabbage casserole
I love the size of our house and our pets
I love geeky tech stuff

I love a lot of things. Material things. Some would say this makes
me shallow but they sure are ton of fucking fun.

The red light above my bed.

In the doorway and kept away
These cold hands.
Beyond the pine woods and resinous breath
Echo in between each others fracture
I shovel the grains of dirt
Onto the faces of everyone from my past
Denting the future
I loved them all
They became names in a dictionary
I remember the red sheets, the cracks in the wall
The small little lights hovering above
The best way we could make love was in the dark
Reaching for everything in new wondrous beginning.
Is this all new to you young lover?
Lets try it like this.
I feel you in the palm of my hands
But I was in yours.
Its so horizontal the way we saw each other
Lets catch this crisp dusk before it fades
Slamming your hands against that
Solid adobe wall
Screaming and trembling.
It was all so compulsive
And so destructive.
Look at the rest of the water dripping into the kitchen
Kicking the door down
Releasing the moment from time after time.
We are different now.

Columbia

Columbia


Until the night felt under the drenching lifeless body
Motionless and notated in the likeness of each others skin
Watching those fingers run up my chest
Tickling the goose bumps
The lattice of nerves
Insomnia is my cornerstone
As stricken hypertension
This is my appeal
Can you understand when I am walking in
A daze for weeks
Watching myself between sleep and awake
I contemplated the analeptic credo
The one who says “I’m sorry”
I miss you
The way you smelled and the ay you danced in the dirt
Crashing fists through the mirror of progress
Slicking this greasy hair back and driving
Into the scenic backdrop
I cant speak
Wasting away staring at those magazine covers
Those pretty woman with their
Airbrushed asses
Oiled up like the painted canvas
Behind the spectacles of disaster
Every street corner has a name
That the rest of us have lived on.
Jostling elbows and hitching a ride
I am enriched beyond the re defying luscious lips
Begging into the walls that have just been built.
Poisoning the strands and a tender drug addiction
Juicing the congressional district
I am mobile and can move this gregarious ego of
Mine anywhere.
Just look at their eyes light up.
And feared beyond their mothers whispers.

Just a thought. Not a poem.

While in New York. I saw real inspiration, Fashion, Design, Architecture and everything that is Art. Walking throughout The Museum of Modern Art I felt a rush of fresh air throughout my spine. Walking through the cold streets at night with my best friend just amazed by the surrounding. Eating the best food I have eaten in my life. The Best Sushi I have ever tasted in my life. I see people's fashions and idea of Art in New Mexico and I wonder where their inspiration comes from. This cities architecture is almost based on poor designs without idea. While on Empire State looking throughout the vast borough of Manhattan I felt alive and knew this is the place I have to be. So in the coming months to years I cannot wait to be going to school there. The School of Visual Arts in Manhattan. In the same city as my best friend and my girlfriend by my side in a city I love. I have since downloaded the NYC Subway system app for my iPhone to start learning the subway system. In this city I felt happy, completely happy and completely at ease. Everyone I came across had a smile on their face and greeted me with warm feelings. Busy but warm. So New York. I will see you soon.

Aging, disgraceful and repeating

That little piano in the next room
Playing the part as so it seems
I would love to get up
Stricken with a comfortable crick in my jaw
Tired of talking and moving an inch by inch
Somewhere below the wooden steps at the park
Running they all are
Making romance a new idea
You peel expectations
The gravel road flattens those old tires
Looks like we are walking from here
With your fine addled dress
Wrinkled from the night before
They make raincoats for this kind of storm
Played out before
The hand goes to bed and feels so restless
Tingling with those little pins and needles
Where is the driver
Lost in the desert
What can we do to waste more time
With each other?
Drag those suitcases along the dust
Covering them in leaning ideals
Persuade me you young thing
Throw me down and beat my body
Lacerated to the excess of your fetishes
Is every part of me inside and around you
Yet
Becoming the trouble of this heart
I read it from the lining of your journal
Covered in cloth.
I said I needed more action
More excitement.
Turn on the ambiance of this room
And share your drink with me
Lets poor our hearts out
And lets end us very soon for tomorrow
Seems too promising.